In the hit comedy, "You've Got Mail," cyber-romance is treated as a perfectly natural and modern way of formulating a close relationship between characters Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly. What started out a few years ago as a curious new way of meeting and interacting with others using a computer has turned into a mainstream phenomenon growing as fast as America Online's list of subscribers. Of course, what the film has going for it is its handsome, upscale couple played by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan and what appears to be a fun-filled, risk-free environment. Au contraire!No doubt you've seen or heard of those disastrous meetings publicized on the morning talk shows where love goes off-line when the beloved pen pal turns out to be a gorilla in drag (but with a great personality). Still, this new medium continues to attract adventuresome romantics who, with the help of stories and tips (developed by people "who've been down that road") posted on specialized web sites, have taken the Net to a new level in human relations. Jonathan Kaplan, a 35-year-old divorced juvenile case prosecutor, was searching for the love of his life in all of the traditional places to no avail. He decided to give the on-line personals a try. After consulting ads from women in the US, he found a lady named Yana who gave her description and listed that she was looking for a "nice Jewish guy." They began corresponding, exchanging e-mails on a daily basis and after two weeks Jonathan asked for her phone number. Their first date was on Nov 23, 1996 and on Nov 1, 1997 they were married. Jonathan and Yana's story along with others are posted on The "International Home of Internet Romance" (www.soft.net.uk) developed by a soon-to-be-married couple who met on the web. Their site reaches out to people who have met (or want to meet) a person with whom they hope to develop a lasting relationship. It offers support, advice and encouragement they say is sadly lacking on the Net. Many of their guidelines for successfully dating parallel those for answering the personals of newspapers and magazines. Unlike the movie's characters who met in an AOL chat room, "Lynda," co-editor of the site, advises against meetings of this kind. "I personally have avoided the 'chat' scene because it can sometimes be quite degrading," writes Lynda. "Although there are many decent chat groups, they are all too often frequented by desperados looking to get off on you." High on her list of do's and don'ts is security. Until you know that your partner is not the type to harass you or even stalk you if the worst happens, it is wise to limit the personal info you supply. Send e-mails through a free e-mail service such at hotmail and don't use any "real" details. Keep surnames, phone numbers and addresses private until you are sure. After you've been communicating for a while and you feel you can trust each other, plan on exchanging server addresses. On the other hand, one of the drawbacks of Internet relationships is that it is possible to have numerous romances simultaneously without the recipients being any the wiser. Give the relationship a reasonable amount of time to develop then ask for a home phone number (and call it at different times). If after a reasonable period, one party refuses to converse over the phone, beware. Some people are quite happy to offer references from other people to verify their integrity. You can even make background checks by consulting datesmart.com, an inexpensive and effective service designed for people in relationships. One more thing. Be on the lookout for e-mails that are quite generalized in their content. You may not be the only one being "bulk mailed." This leads to another important point. "Honesty is the key to saving yourself from potential disaster further down the track," insists Lynda. "You can't be honest enough. Now is the time to admit to having those three kids, those extra kilos and that pathetic salary." Very important is the exchange of photos, no matter how much you "love him for his mind." Ask your friend to send you (by e-mail or snail mail) a recent photo early on in the relationship. This gives you the opportunity to see how you feel about the persons physical attributes and if they were honest in their description of themselves. Okay, so you've got a picture and you like what you see. Now you'll need to meet. After all "body chemistry" is very important. You'll witness the gestures, mannerisms and habits up close and after a meeting or two, you'll know whether or not yours is a match made in heaven. "Sir Lancelot" lived in Kentucky and "Vemtira" lived in Texas. At first they decided just to be friends but the more they learned about each other the closer they became. They continued to chat for several weeks. "In a short period of time, we really got to know each other better than most people get to know each other in years," writes Lancelot. He finally made the 800 mile trip and upon meeting his lady friend, decided it was a relationship worth keeping. They continued to communicate by e-mail and phone with Lancelot making trips to see Vemtira every five to six weeks. Finally the decision was made for Vemtira to move to Kentucky. They are planning to marry this summer. With the Internet stretching over the globe, it's possible to meet people thousands of miles away. The moral of this story: consider distance before entering into a relationship with someone. Decide whether or not you would be willing to relocate. If you live more than three hours away by car, maybe you should point your browser in search of a new love. In Love and On Line Internet commerce is a booming business and shopping for your true love or sharing your love story with others is as easy and quick as turning on, tuning in and surfing over to any of these popular sites. Love Quotes This site (www.lovequotes.iperweb.com) is for diehard romantics who want to share their passion with the world. These could be your own personal quotes or may come from a famous movie, a song, a poem or a book. This site is devoted to sharing with everyone else those words that touched us deeply and affected our heart. You can upload poems, your favorite love quotes about relationships, men, women, lust, passion, seduction or marriage and with any luck it might just be featured as the "Love Quote of the Day," a page updated daily. On the other hand, if the object of your desires went sour, you can also vent your frustration by posting the bad experience for everyone to see on their "Battle of the Sexes." This site also has personals and a link for you to send a loved one a kiss. Romance 101 Here's a fun site devoted to "love, laughter and inspiration." Designed in the style of an electronic newsletter, there are links for gift ideas, movies, music and books focusing on romance, cheap and thrifty date ideas, free personals and online postcards. In addition there are numerous articles like "Why Nagging Doesn't Work," "Partners and Marriage," and "Eight Gifts That Don't Cost a Cent," a "Dream Glossary" with interpretations of dream symbols as well free personal want-ads and romantic online postcards and a "Romance Message Board," where you can share your thoughts. Van Cleef & Arpel's Are diamonds really a girl's best friend? Diamonds.com has a public discussion forum that provides accurate and timely info to help you learn to buy, sell or just research diamonds and gems. Even if you're not in the market to purchase a gem you can at least surf to Van Cleef & Arpel's website (vancleef.com) to ogle over the baubles and read the history of this world famous jeweler. Victoria's Secret America's most popular lingerie store has a web site: (victoriasecret.com) complete with an on-line catalog of their precious undies. Order satin bras and panties, "dream gifts" line embroidered silk gowns or any one of the slips and satin nighties from their silk collection. Guys, if all the glamorous models on the screen have left you undecided, you can always play it safe by purchasing a gift certificate. Godiva Chocolates The number one Belgian chocolate manufacturer has a site (godiva.com) that will make your mouth water. In addition to the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates you can order on-line, they also offer recipes like "white chocolate cheesecake and macadamia caramel sauce" and an on-line gourmet magazine. Enter Godiva's Diamonds and Chocolate sweepstakes for a chance to win a diamond worth up to $1,500 or the grand prize of a 7.2 carat diamond worth $125,000. FTD Ordering flowers is as easy as logging onto www.ftd.com, making a selection and sending your true love a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. The FTD site has different pages for more than 150 countries. Click one of several attractive bouquets and see a close-up view right on your screen before you order. |
